INTELLECTUALIZING THE GOLDEN GIRLS

1

Enough Wicker debuts with Lauren and Sarah taking a scholarly view at the pilot and why we have such a strong attachment to this show.

s1/e1

 27 MIN 

5

Dorothy's housecall-making doctor boyfriend makes a pass at Blanche that might end in heartbreak and a ruined coming-out party.

s1/e5

 26 MIN 

9

Blanche has a young chippie, but we're more captivated by the B story, Mrs. Lindstrom's visit and Rose's struggle to treat her as an adult.

s1/e9

 26 MIN 

12

Sophia contemplates leaving her life with a slut and a moron to join her daughter in her mansion in Burt Convy's neighborhood. 

s1/e12

 27 MIN 

16

Rose has a tough conversation with her daughter Kirsten's hard-to-place accent, & we explain what a dickie is and advocate for more girls to go to Space Camp for themselves!

s1/e16

 26 MIN 

20

Blanche shows courage and determination as she deals with handling an environment that values a man's word over a woman's, and Dorothy shows the same qualities while she tries to secure Frank Sinatra tickets.

s1/e20

 22 MIN 

24

B.D. Hollingsworth is in town with his antebellum lexicon and a gee-tar, as  he sold the entire estate in order to pursue a country music singing career. Meanwhile, Dorothy and Sophia deal with "Mouth" and his complete disregard of neighborly responsibility through both civic involvement and the old stand-by, a Sicilian curse.  

s1/e24

 20 MIN 

2

An emotional confrontation where Bea Arthur shows off her acting chops and a cheeseball-hating holy man. What more could you want?

s1/e2

18 MIN 

6

Blanche's disrespectful grandson David visits Miami and learns important lessons about chores, discipline, and handicapped animals.

s1/e6

 27 MIN 

10

Blanche steps in as logical decision maker, Rose and Dorothy share vulnerability, and 1980s Miami doctors are still making house calls.

s1/e10

 23 MIN 

13

Dorothy and Blanche stumble through dinner with Rose's new squeeze -- an esteemed doctor who also happens to be a little person.  

s1/e13

 23 MIN 

17

Blanche's niece Lucy arrives with a bang. The girls become concerned with Lucy's promiscuity, and Rose finally finds a friend who appreciates her brain, if only for the vast amounts of useless Miami Vice knowledge it holds.

s1/e17

 27 MIN 

21

The girls are at each other's throats over the misplacement of a NyQuil cup and a stolen heating pad. They force their recovery, however, when Sophia reveals a rumor that one of them is winning the big award at the banquet.

s1/e21

 22 MIN 

25

In the final episode of the first season, the girls revisit how they met. Mr. Peepers, Madame Zelda, and Rose’s tactic for finding the perfect melon all emerge as unsung heroes in this hilarious wrap-up.

s1/e25

 24 MIN 

3

Lauren and Sarah relive an agonizing third-place Golden Girls trivia finish and take a scholarly look at complicated sex.

s1/e3

 23 MIN 

7

Rose takes bowling too seriously, Blanche just wants to look cute in her outfit, and Dorothy and Sophia make what seems to be a uneven wager.

s1/e7

 23 MIN 

11

With Stan in Dorothy's nightgown, we break down how satisfying it is for Dorothy to finally choose to walk away on her own terms.

s1/e11

 26 MIN 

14

We examine Dorothy's love affair with the first Glen O'Brien and the complicated nature of infidelity. Plus Blanche tries to scam Rose!

s1/e14

 27 MIN 

18

We validate Dorothy's fears of seeking help in a healthcare system that is barely functioning, celebrate her roommate, Bonnie, and emphatically endorse old ladies drinking sherry in the park.

s1/e18

 19 MIN 

22

Rose starts a pro bono 24-hour counseling service out of her home without telling anyone else that lives there. Dorothy and Blanche step in to help their defeated friend in what turns out to be a very tender moment. 

s1/e22

 22 MIN 

4

Blanche's sister Virginia comes with a big ask: she needs Blanche's kidney. The other three girls care for a baby in one of the lazier B-stories.

s1/e4

 21 MIN 

8

The girls' home is broken into. Rose uses this moment to exploit Florida's lax gun laws, almost to the detriment of Lester! 

s1/e8

 22 MIN 

★

Talking about the Girls and the Gays, why the show is so pervasive in gay culture today, and appreciating that the actresses walked the walk IRL.

VSE/1

 36 MIN 

15

Rose wakes up to find the second man dead in her bed from having sex with her. Plus Sophia invents normcore and Rose dresses like a pilgrim.

s1/e15

 24 MIN 

19

A bathroom redo in the name of feminism, and an old, rich man who uses racial slurs aboard his private jet. Plus, an homage to the Rue la Rue cafe and an emphatic celebration of Sarah's husband's carpentry skills! 

s1/e19

 22 MIN 

23

Turn on Channel 5, Lily burned the house down! The rest of the girls prep for the first of many garage sales. The two stories allow the audience to bear witness to two equally difficult struggles: adjusting to life as a blind person and parting with a hockey stick once used by Bobby Hull.

s1/e23

 20 MIN 

While the B-story of breeding minks is wacky, the A-story of Blanche confronting menopause and all that comes with it makes for a wildly progressive (and hilarious) episode.

26

s2/e1

 28 MIN 

There's nothing like civic participation! The girls have a formidable opponent in Freida Claxton, a crotchety peeping tom of a neighbor who insists the county get rid of an oak tree, and when Freida pushes Rose too pfar, she is forced to take matters into her own hands. 

29

s2/e4

 30 MIN 

Ok now everybody SHUT THE HELL UP. We're talking about Vacation, arguably the goofiest episode of the first season. Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose go on a vacation that starts with a skeezy motel and ends with the three of them shipwrecked on a deserted island thanks to the subpar sailing skills of their new friends.

33

s2/e8

 23 MIN 

I'd like to write a description here but I hate your mother. Kidding! 

Dorothy recruits Blanche and Rose (reluctantly) to help her surprise Sophia with what she thinks is a great birthday gift--a surprise visit from her sister Angela. The two women haven't seen each other in decades, and it turns out, there's a reason for the distance. Nancy Walker guest stars in this hilarious episode. 

37

s2/e12

 23 MIN 

Sophia enters a walkathon and the other girls decide to babysit the children of the race participants, with two notable guests: a little punk named Norman (whose father is played by Family Feud's Ray Combs!) and baby Emily. Emily serves as a way for the audience to really get to hear about Blanche's regrets around motherhood and wow is it a heartbreaker. Despite the heavy throughline of Blanche's regret and a lowkey neglectful child services agency, this one is full of laugh out loud lines.

41

s2/e16

 28 MIN 

On their way to see Mr. Burt "monogrammed underwear" Reynolds, the girls are arrested and need Sophia to bail them out. Rose works through a nonsensical adolescent trauma, Blanche's inherent biases around class are revealed, and Dorothy rags on the public school system. 

27

s2/e2

 21 MIN 

Dorothy's friend Jean, while on a visit, finds herself IN LOVE with Rose, a woman she met three days prior. But you know what they say about the Lebanese: they bring a U-haul to the second date. This one is full of laughs, tender moments, and puts a queer character --- not the sexuality of a queer character --- at the center of the story. 

30

s2/e5

 26 MIN 

Dorothy's job hunt isn't going well, so Blanche insists she comes and works with her at the museum. It sounds great at first, but when their loser boss Mr. Allen asks Dorothy to discreetly work on something, Blanche gets territorial. Rose introduces us to the first iteration of recurring guest star, Dreyfus. Plus, Lauren and Sarah ruin two of your favorite things: surprises and dogs. 

34

s2/e9

 29 MIN 

Blanche dates twins and Stanley undergoes heart surgery. Truly, everyone in the house is doubling up on their vitamins! In this one, we take a scholarly look at the relationships between Dorothy, Stan, and Sophia, and ask ourselves why so many women find themselves bending over backward (like Doug) doing emotional labor for men who don't deserve it. 

38

s2/e13

 28 MIN 

If nothing else, this episode offers shoutouts to Lauren's stepdad, a long-time fan of chipped beef, and our rad friend and unofficial Sicily researcher Gina. Bedtime Story is a flashback episode of the Golden Girls; it's pretty out there, but there are a couple of LOL moments. We're laughing WITH the writers, not AT them as we take a look back at this Season 2 clip show. 

42

s2/e17

 26 MIN 

Stanley, king of the yutzes, shows up and needs a friend and Dorothy calls in a favor from Blanche. The two hit it off platonically, but their new-found closeness still leaves Dorothy feeling a little magenta. Meanwhile, Rose and Sophia team up to muscle in on Johnny No Thumbs.

28

s2/e3

 26 MIN 

Get out your bolo tie because Big Daddy Hollingsworth is back in Miami! This time to introduce Blanche to his would-be bride, the Widow (pronounced Widdah) Spencer. Dorothy and Rose enter a songwriting contest and butt heads over whether or not an extra "Miami is Nice" hurts the music.

31

s2/e6

 25 MIN 

There is nothing worse than watching your friend suffer because their romantic life is in the garbage. Well, actually catfishing that friend by assuming the identity of one Mr. Issac Q. Newton, a citrus farmer from central Canada might be. Meanwhile, Sophia tries to fight off the advances of an English golddigger. 

35

s2/e10

 23 MIN 

Merry Christmas waterliles! Our gift to you is this LOL-filled episode featuring Mr. Patrick Vaughn, the hunkiest hunk that ever hunked! The Actor is in town to join the cast of what we always thought was a local production of Our Town, but is actually a parody of the Paul Newman show, Picnic. The girls each vie for his affection, though Blanche inflates her efforts (da-da-ching). Meanwhile, Sophia gets a job at a pirate-themed restaurant. 

39

s2/e14

 21 MIN 

Deborah A. Macey talks to us about her paper, Ancient Archetypes in Modern Media: A Comparative Analysis of Golden Girls, Living Single, and Sex & The City, & regales us with how she went about assigning each of the girls to their designated archetype, a challenge considering how much "slippage" there is between the fab four. 

★

VSE/2

 68 MIN 

When Dorothy's son Michael and Rose's daughter Bridget visit at the same time, the two share a night of so-so sex (too much wine) in Blanche's bed. Because this is a sitcom, all four of the women walk in on them, and the awkwardness makes for a really awkward and icky confrontation between Dorothy and Rose. 

32

s2/e7

 26 MIN 

What the hell is this, The Waltons?! Blanche tries to bong a mall Santa, Rose offers counseling to her clients right in the waiting room, a would-be armed robber takes Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose hostage until Sophia saves the day, and our favorite ladies spend Christmas Eve watching a diner. Plus, the men of Blanche's boudoir actually turn about to be the men of the Golden Girls crew. 

36

s2/e11

 20 MIN 

Anyone who knows the kind and gentle Rose Nylund knows she would do anything for a friend, even if that included making two wedding cakes. This attitude gets Rose in the hospital with what thankfully turns out to just be an esophageal spasm. After what she interprets as a near-death experience, Rhonda (oops, Rose!) embraces a lifestyle that would seemingly go against the doctor's orders of staying out all night and partying with her new beach friends.

40

s2/e15

 22 MIN